Belief

I believe that nobody needs me, and that I need nobody; that we all sit together at lunch tables just because we're not secure in ourselves. I know it's Objectivist of me, but somehow I think that we are all simply weak, that none of us are superhumans, nor could be. That the potential is there, but nobody can achieve it, at least not right now.

I believe in the wisdom of others. I have no true opinion when it comes to other people, unless I see something truly flawed with their thinking. The last issue I had with a person was when my mom wanted to start teaching. I didn't think she could be a teacher. I told her so. It was the only fight we ever got in. I was wrong. She is a good teacher. But I didn't have confidence in her.

I believe that if anyone relies on the opinion of a different person, then that anyone is weak. I don't dislike those people, those anyones. I am one of those anyones. I need acceptance, I think (though I am not sure). But I do not need it as much as some. I can choose whom I care about. I respect intelligence greater than my own, and that is about it.

I believe that we are all responsible for ourselves, in the end. If we are unhappy then we should do something about it; if we are lacking then we should improve ourselves; if we need help then we should ask for it. Silence answers no questions, even though it tells no lies. Passivity is useless and despicable. If there is a hole taller than ourselves, then we should ask for a hand up. If help does not come, then the fault has passed on. But if we do not ask for help, the fault remains our own, and eats at our precious souls.

I believe that all humans are essentially good, but also essentially afraid. We are the only animals that think, the only animals that "raise our faces to the stars," the only animals capable of wondering why. I think that this trips us up at times, makes us pause in our continuos toil. Some of us cannot accept the view into the abyss, so we invent white-bearded gods and fluffy clouds to fill the nothing-darkness. Some of us fear the abyss, but accept it. It is inevitable. I believe that we should not fear what we cannot change or prevent.

I believe that the thing that matters the least in the world is what others think of you, and that the thing that matters most in the world is what you think of yourself. You should not do well for the sake of your parents, or your teacher, or the cute boy in the third seat over. You should do well for you. If you do not care to do well, then that is your choice. You must be aware of the consequences of your failure. Really, you should care enough about yourself not to fail. But if you choose to fail, then that is your right, and it is not right for others to judge you for it. Yet we all judge each other, and rarely ourselves. One should care enough about oneself to see what matters and what does not. Yet so many of us are blind to the important things. To the right words. To the people we love.

I believe that at the end of all things, there will be good. I believe that this place has no reason for existing, and that we are not meant to be here. Nothing is meant to be anywhere. Nothing is meant to be. But we are here anyway, and we should rejoice in that. We should look up into the trees and count each leaf and marvel at the truth of photosynthesis, at the ancient ability of the first algae in the primordial seas to create oxygen from carbon dioxide and make breath possible. None of this was meant to be, and yet it is, and it is the improbable miracle of life that I find so beautiful. Our eyes that we can see colors. Our ears that we can hear music. Our tongue that we can taste food. Our fingers that we can feel the earth. Our noses that we can smell the sweet scent of rain. Our great minds, all of the parts of them: our ability to fear, to conceive of love, to doubt, to create drama, to imagine, to hate, to grieve, to dream, to feel pain, to delight in comfort. All of this has no purpose, and that is what is remarkable. The sheer uselessness of life. The precious nothing of it. How finely we walk the thread over the abyss. How beautiful everything is because nothing is so close. We should, beyond all other things, respect what we have, because in one hundred years, none of us will have it.

How beautiful is the space between our atoms. How beautiful is the deadly, lively radiation of the sun. How beautiful is carbon, with its capacity for life. How beautiful is water, with its perfect bonds. How beautiful is the tender mind, knocked away by a heavy blow or a single cell malfunction. How beautiful are the chemicals and electrical impulses that control us. How beautiful is the DNA, nestled in the nucleolus of our cells, that exists to replicate itself, and just so happens to have created humans, probably as an accident.

I believe in science and beauty and myself: these three things above all others. And oh, do I believe.